Archive

Family

Overcoming Your Fear

By
January 27, 2014
Family, Inspiration
Leave a Comment

Sunday was my youngest daughter’s very first gymnastics meet, and if you read my previous blog post, you know that there was a lot at stake that had very little to do with gymnastics.  It was my child’s day to face her fear.

Overcoming fear looks much more gritty than the movies make it out to be.  In fact, it happens to be a lot like childbirth…ugly and beautiful all at the same time.

If this was a movie, Kennedy would have bounded out of bed, took the bull by the horns and charged out on that gym floor to handspring herself to a gold medal.  However, facing fear isn’t that easy and it certainly isn’t that pretty.  It wasn’t pretty in our house Sunday morning.

The raw reality of this story is that when I told Kennedy it was time to put on her leotard, she began crying and screaming.  The kind of cry that is irrational and inconsolable.  It was real, wrenching, and painful to watch.  She was simply terrified of failing at her handspring and didn’t want to even attempt anything.  Tears rolled out of her eyes as she trembled from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet.

As a mother, I was sad, angry, frustrated, and confused all at the same time.  Was I really going to have to FORCE her to face this?  But I already knew the answer…yes.  As parents, our job is to be the strong one when our child is weak.  Our job is to KNOW when our child is capable, but incapacitated by fear.  Our job is to know when to push and when to stand off.  It is a cruel calling on so many levels, but also is a profound lesson all in itself.  If you feel like God is “pushing” you face difficult things, it’s because He probably is.  This was one of those times when I was called to push as well.

After a treacherous few minutes of getting Kennedy in the car, the ride to the gym was silent other than the hum of the radio.  The song played, “I know who goes before me, I know Who stands behind.  The God of angel armies, He’s always by my side…”  I watched in the rearview mirror as Kennedy mouthed the words to the music.  I breathed a sigh of relief that she has the foundation of Christ in her life.  He can lead her where I cannot.  My own personal helplessness subsided a bit.

Thankfully by the time we arrived, she had gathered herself and put a smile on her face when she saw her gym friends.  That was the end of ugly part.  The beautiful part is that Kennedy ended up having an amazing morning on a gymnastics level and a personal level.  Without the option to quit, she did what she knew to do.  In the end, she medaled in all four events and nailed the handspring she so dreaded.  She took 3rd in her age group for the All Around score, and out of the nearly 60 competitors, she landed with the 8th highest score.  For her first meet, she knocked it out of the park.

But you all know that her medals are but dust compared to the step she took within her own confidence.  What mattered to me most was that she showed up to her life.  She didn’t stay on the couch wrapped in a blanket.  In spite of all of the ugliness of fear tumbling out in a haphazard and uncontrollable way, she persevered and made it happen.

For all of you who went on this journey with us, my hope is that you face your fear as well…even if that means you go in kicking and screaming.  Sometimes I wonder if greatness never happens because we are most afraid of the process.  So cry if you have to, scream if you must, but when that is all over, my hope for you is that you will do what you have to do to fulfill your dreams.

And to my Kennedy…I’m so proud of you, Baby.  You have always been one of my greatest teachers and my greatest treasures.  I love you!

 

Here’s a link to her floor video if you’d like to see the moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk3SrGYqZXU&feature=youtu.be

 

It’s All In Your Head

By
January 22, 2014
Family, Inspiration
6 Comments

IMG_1438On top of ministry, I am also the mother of a Competitive Gymnast.  It’s been the trip of a lifetime as I went from absolutely no knowledge of gymnastics to developing a working knowledge of technique, apparatus, and scoring.  I am in way over my head, but loving every minute of the lessons I am learning!

At Kennedy’s level one of the necessary skills is a back handspring.  It looks pretty simple until you think about running full speed, doing a roundoff, and then flinging your body backwards end over end.  (I can’t even imagine!)

At first, Kennedy picked up the skill in good time and seemed to be going about it flawlessly.  She is a powerful runner and her movements are impeccably precise.  All in all, she looked like she was on the right track.

And then one day she fell.

As she landed, her neck took the brunt of the fall and the pain shattered through her little body.

Since that moment those pesky back handsprings have haunted her.  The soreness has long since subsided, and she could physically do a back handspring with no problem.  Her muscles are strong enough to do that and much more, but she continues to struggle.  Why?

It’s all in her head.  On the way down that day, she let doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty move in where boldness, bravery, and courage once lived.  She started renting the space in her head to fear.

At practice yesterday her coach had her do at least 30 back handsprings on the safety of a mat.  Then when she moved Kennedy to the floor, she said, “Kenny!  Can you do a back handspring?”

Of course she can.  She just did dozens of them.

But in that moment, silence filled the enormous gym.  I watched as that same fear bubbled up in her little heart.  There she stood alone on the floor, her shoulders fighting not to slump.  Her bright smile turned down into a nervous, uncertain frown.  She shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”

My mother’s heart wanted to scream from my bench, “Baby!  You can do this and SO, SO much more!  You’ve just gotta believe what I believe about you.  It’s all in your head.  Don’t let fear live there and rob you of flying!”

And then that voice whispered from Heaven.  “That’s how I feel, too.  If my children believed what I believe about them, they would be fearless.”

Yes, Lord.  You do know that longing in a parent’s heart.  Not for perfect children, but children who UNDERSTAND how strong they are and use that strength to live out the miraculous.

But, Lord, You’re not just talking about Kennedy right now, are you?

I get it.  I have so many of those moments as well.  Moments where I should be brave enough, but past hurts, memories, and insecurities turn into a wall of fear within me.  Lord, let me hear Your voice and not allow fear to hold me back, either.  The lost potential is too much to bear…

And in that moment, I saw the benefit of Kennedy’s struggle.  If, at seven years old, she learns that the voice of fear is the wrong voice, then she can learn that the voice of God is the right voice.  And I bet that God’s voice sounds strikingly similar to a desperate parent, sitting on the side of gym floor, staring at the face of fear trapped in their child and wanting the breathless words to set them free…

“You can do this and SO, SO much more!  You’ve just gotta believe what I believe about you.  It’s all in your head.  Don’t let fear live there and rob you of flying!”

A Little History Reposted

By
December 28, 2013
Family, History, Inspiration
Leave a Comment

robin

I wrote this story five years ago, but am reposting it today in honor of my friend.  This story changed the trajectory of my life and will always be a catalyst for why I give my life to love others.  When you look into the eyes of a stranger, you never know what story you are seeing.  Treat people with all the grace and mercy you can muster.  Be blessed!

 

I was born a twin…OK, I wasn’t, but it seemed like it.  Just nine days after I was born, my next door neighbor gave birth to a little girl.  Robin and I became friends just like our mothers were.  We spent everyday together growing up.  All of my childhood memories include her.  We laughed, fought, and forgave quickly, just like sisters, for the first eight years of our lives.

It was Robin who convinced me to play doctor and put super glue eyedrops in her eyes.  Oops.  It was Robin who hit me over the head with a toy that left a dent in my forehead.  It was Robin who made me “marry” Jake from down the street.  It was always Robin in every story…

But when we were eight her parents divorced and her dad kept the house.  Robin moved around the block with her mom.  It was devastating for all of us, but thankfully we were able to walk back and forth to continue our friendship.

However, 29 years ago on December 28, is a day that changed our friendship and our lives forever.  Robin’s mother, suffering from depression, committed suicide.  My memories of that day are horrific.  In the midst of the chaos going on around us, we were left pretty much unattended.  Nobody really worried about us because we were together.  I remember my house being packed with people and it being very cold as the door was opened and shut many times over. The cold Montana air poured in with the people.  Next door there was commotion going on and ambulances being called.  I vividly remember going into my bathroom with Robin and watching out the window towards her old house.  I remember watching her mother’s body, under a white sheet, being wheeled out.

As an eight year old, all of this was etched into my brain in this very surreal way.  I am not sure what is reality and what is made up.  What I know is that my best friend lost the future that she had intended on having that day.  Nothing would ever be the same again.

The reason that I am taking the time to tell this story is because it shaped me in a way that nothing else has.  I may have went through a tragedy of immense proportions, but Robin’s experience was inconceivable.  And nearly a quarter of a century later, I can tell you that what I take from that day is a deep respect for the little girl who lost her mother.  Although she went through the worst thing imaginable, she is a survivor.  Today she is married, happy, healthy, and has beautiful kids.  She recently left this comment on my blog…

You don’t realize how grateful I am to have your encouraging words each week. As for many this time of year is a difficult time.  For us it is remembering love ones that have been lost, finances, health, and life in general. It is so important to let yourself take time to remember each and everyday that God has a HEART and He will guide us. Struggles are a stepping stone in our lives, but it also makes us strong spiritually and faithfully. It is not a time of year to questions ones faith, but to live for it.

Robin, every year on this day, I remember you, and am encouraged once again.  You made your own choices regardless of the foundation that you were given.  You had every opportunity to let that day destroy you, but you didn’t.  You are a shining example of what perseverance and determination can do in a person.  Thank you for not questioning your faith, but living for it.  I counsel people all of the time that are not sure they will make it through their situation.  Your story gives me the confidence to know that God will always help those who call out to Him.  I am thankful for our 37 year friendship and want you to know that I am very proud of the woman that you became.  You are an inspiration to me and I love you very much.

And I’m really sorry about the super glue.

Our Highest Expectation

By
September 6, 2013
Family, Inspiration
Leave a Comment

The first week of school has officially come to a close.  It will be marked with many new highs and lows as it proved to be one to remember in the Newell home.

As always, on the first day of school we tell our kids one expectation we have from them.  We figure that in the midst of all of the new procedures, rules, and social mandates, we probably only have one shot at our kids hearing us.  So, here’s our first day speech.  It never changes, but their hearts do.

Sweet Child,

This year all we ask is that you love people.  That’s it.  The tests, the books, the homework…it’s all important, but not the most important.  At the end of the day everything else will fade and love will remain.  So, love people.

Love your teachers.  Try diligently to be a blessing to them.  They work hard and they have good intentions.  Sometimes they even have bad days, but please, please child, love them.

Love your friends.  Friends are the heartbeat of our lives.  They bring meaning to the mundane and they are valuable.  Treat them as the precious holders of your dreams and secrets.

Love that kid.  You know who I’m talking about.  They have very few friends and it’s probably because they are either rude or awkward.  Either way, you love them.  Even if others laugh at you for doing so, love them.

Love your family.  That’s your sister on the bus and she is important to you.  Even on the days you don’t think so, she is.  Make sure that when she trips off that bus, you run to help her.  Don’t laugh, love.

Love the lunch lady, the bus driver, the principal, and the people you pass in the hallway.  Love the lady who works in the office and the nurse who sends you back to class when you think you’re too sick to stay.  Love the librarian.  Love them all.

This world, especially at school, is full of judgment, hatred, teasing, and bullying.  That’s not who we are.  We are Christ-followers and we’ll get a lot wrong, but please don’t get love wrong.

Oh, and remember, our amazing child, WE LOVE YOU.  Deeply, profoundly, but not anywhere near how much Jesus loves you.

 

It is with that we send our kids away from our watchful eye for seven hours a day.  We trust them to manage the greatest treasure we have invested in them and that is the love of our Savior.

We’ll be thrilled if our kids’ education results in them curing cancer or walking on Mars.  We’ll be thrilled if they graduate with honors or are the valedictorian.  And we’ll be thrilled if they grow up to be ordinary people dripping with an extraordinary love.

 

Our First Date

By
February 14, 2013
Family, History, Ministry
Leave a Comment

scan0001When I met Mark he was already in ministry as a Junior High Pastor at a large church (New Life in Renton, WA).  Little did I know the fishbowl of a life I was diving into, but our first date should have given me a clue!

We met at a youth summer camp we were working at a couple of weeks before he asked me on our first date.  We had acquired a following of teenagers who were excited to see if we would hit it off.  When Mark did ask me out, those teens were beyond elated.  Our first date was going to be lunch after church…how fitting for a future ministry couple.

On August 18, 1996, when I pulled up to Mark’s church, dozens of teenagers poured out of the building to greet me.  Did I mention that I wasn’t raised in the church and I was suddenly thrust into the limelight of a megachurch?  Overwhelming!  Over the next couple of hours I would meet all of Mark’s bosses, coworkers, the 225 teenagers he helped lead, every little old lady in the church who had helped “raise” Mark, and his parents.  I pasted on the perma-grin and shook a million hands.  Welcome to ministry!

I had also brought three friends to church with me as moral support that morning.  We had taken two cars since they would be leaving before me.  As I was getting out of my car, I gave my friend a bag to take back with her to Lake Stevens (one hour away).  What I didn’t realize is that my car keys were in the bag and after church they would be driven far, far away to a camp with no phones.  (For you younger readers…in 1996 we didn’t know what cell phones were, so don’t even go there!)

Mark and I proceeded to attend church, have a nice lunch, and then we took a tour around the Seattle waterfront.  It was in the midst of this that I realized the enormous problem I had without my keys.  Through a series of phone calls, we arranged to have another friend go to the camp to let my friends know they had my keys.  Although they were gracious enough to come back, it would be many more hours and I had nowhere to go.

With no other option, we went back to church to lead a special Sunday night service with a performance by a man named Donny.  It was also Mark’s job to take him out after service, so I tagged along.  Donny, not realizing this was our first date, took it upon himself to make sure our dating relationship was healthy.  He asked us about 100 questions about dating, marriage, and ministry.  If I wasn’t already on the spot, I certainly was now!

What do you think about sex before marriage?  How do you feel about divorce?  How many kids do you want?  Do you think a woman should work outside the home?  And on and on and on!

We were given no other choice but to “show our cards” on the first date.  We knew how each other felt about nearly every controversial topic out there.  Now I look back and think what a providencial blessing that date extension was.  In a matter of hours I knew that the man I was looking at was exceptional.  I would be a fool not to marry someone of his character.

Mark drove me back to my car that night where my keys were tucked neatly under the floor mat.  Although we were going on about the 12th hour of our date, I didn’t want it to end.  He gave me his bright smile and thanked me for a wonderful day.  He didn’t kiss me goodnight, probably because Donny had covered the fact that I didn’t kiss on the first date…or the second…or the third…And I already knew that Mark would be happy to honor that.

Sometimes I feel like that date was a prophetic glimpse into the future of what we would become…husband and wife, partners in ministry, best friends, and a determined team for the cause of Christ.

So, Happy Valentine’s Day, Mark!  I still smile when I think of those first hours of our relationship.  You are one amazing man!