This is from a wonderful person from North Creek. Thought I would share this amazing story with you:
I’ve really enjoyed this last series, Scars. It’s been one of the most moving and thought provoking subjects I’ve experienced in a church. It’s been interesting not only seeing how it’s affecting my life, but also those in my small group and my friends. To know that the struggles we face in this area are almost universal, to be able to share them and lean on one another makes the journey a smoother, if not an easier one.
When we started this a few weeks back, I didn’t realize the path it would take me down. Not being one who likes conflict, I’ve always been one to try to resolve rifts and seek to make amends, and to show forgiveness to others because I myself have been shown the same mercies at times in my life. But soon it became apparent to me that the one thing that I haven’t been able to do, perhaps because the pain is too great, is forgive myself. I have struggled with myself for as long as I can remember. There’s no defining childhood moment as to why. My house, growing up, wasn’t exactly overflowing with love, but it wasn’t bad either. There was just always something missing. The more I tried to fill that space, the more I didn’t like the person I was becoming. It still hurts to look back and see the things I filled my life with, starting in middle school; alcohol, drugs, suicide attempts, lying, more drugs, sexual impurity and immorality, abortion. I wasn’t worth anything to myself, and I couldn’t see that I was worth anything to anyone else. The relationships I chose in my life reinforced these beliefs, and when I tried to chase a relationship with God, I just couldn’t believe that I was worthy of His love and certainly not His forgiveness! Not after all the things I had done. But thankfully He is not a god that turns away from you when you turn from Him. No matter how far I thought I was from His love, He was only one step away when I was ready to turn to him, broken and bruised.
Life is different now (thank goodness!!). There’s no longer something missing; there never really was. God has always been here, I just finally took my blinders off! Love fills my life now, and with the help of North Creek, I can feel a joy in my heart now. Not just moments of passing happiness, but real, lasting joy that can only come when walking with Jesus. The joy that comes with having a relationship with Him, knowing that he is a glorious, amazing, LOVING God! He has forgiven me and wiped the slate clean, and I think it’s time that I do, too. I know this doesn’t mean forgetting my past or pretending it didn’t happen, or that I won’t still struggle from time to time with my self worth, but with prayer and time, perhaps I can use my experiences to help the needs of others and to glorify His name!
Thank you for everything.