I’m preaching at youth this week on purity, so I will blog a few times this week about ways that Mark and I guard our purity. I really hope that some of our boundaries encourage and bless you. It is a difficult road to remain pure in actions and in your thought life. I’m in this fight with you.
I believe that pornography has been made a cultural norm that is quietly destroying the foundations of marriages inside and outside of the church. If you go to www.biblegateway.com and type in sexual immorality, you’ll get a computer full of verses about how God HATES sexual immorality. Allowing images on your computer or in a magazine to fill a need for sexuality actually shreds the opportunity for intimacy in your current or future marriage. That is why God hates it. He knows that intimacy with Him and with your spouse is the true foundation of maturity.
Pornography is a decision. You can control the urge to have that as a part of your life. You can choose to solve this issue in your life. Mark speaks often to many men in our church that have struggled with this issue and are successfully navigating the temptation to make this a part of their lives. I don’t know all of their names or their stories, but what I do know is this…they all WANT to change and that is their driving force. The other thing that Mark tells me is that many of them are now thriving in this particular area of purity.
Here are three boundaries that Mark and I have made for our marriage:
1. The computer/phone/whatever technology comes next is an open book for the other spouse. We read each other’s emails, we check each other’s histories, we know that our laptops are not private property.
2. We have filters and accountablity software. www.xxxchurch.com emails us any questionable sites that have been landed on every two weeks.
3. I ask Mark all of the time how he is doing in this area and he asks me, too. I am amazed at how many wives and husbands take on the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” philosophy of purity in their marriage. I have the opposite opinion. We talk about the opportunity for sexual immorality all of the time. Here’s some dumb questions: Do you think that woman is pretty? Were you tempted today? Do you still have feelings for your ex? Here is some great questions: When you are tempted, are you doing a good job at turning your attention back to me? How is your thought life? Have you looked at pornography since the last time I asked you?
Mark and I are currently doing well at not having pornography as a third wheel in our marriage. I say currently because pornography is an easy trap to fall into and we are on top of it at all times. It is an easily acquired sin in our day and age. As a result of purity in this area, we are also doing well with real intimacy and trust in our lives.
Read this blog with your spouse and begin the conversation about how you can help each other. Get past the hurt and the wounds and get to the real conversation…how can we fight this together?